Know Your Stars
by Master of Air
Summary: Mission: Full Metal Alchemist, one interesting voice from above, Edward Elric, and chocolate covered pants.
1. Chapter 1

**Know Your Stars, Mission: Full Metal Alchemist**

**Disclaimer:** Hola! Well, I know their are a lot of "Know Your Stars" fics out there, but I haven't seen any for FMA, so I decided to try it out. Ah, yes, I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any of the character I happen to torture--I mean include.

Edward Elric had wandered into a dark room, consiquently it had a director-looking chair in the middle. Ed shrugged and walked up to the chair. He poked it once and then sat down. Suddenly a light shone down on him, making him squint.

" Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars!" A deep, echoing voice rang out from somewhere unknown.

" Who said that, hey, who was that?" Ed asked, looking around behind the chair.

" I'm not behind the chair." The voice bellowed. Ed jumped.

" Where are you, then?" Ed questioned again.

" Edward Elric...he likes to wear woman's underwear!"

" WHAT? I do not...well, only on days that end in 'y'." Ed mummbeled, glancing away.

" What color are they today?"

" What? Oh, well let me check..." Ed said, looking down, reaching for his trousers. A gagging sound was made from the ceiling.

" Eh..nevermind, anyway, Edward Elric...he eats chocolate covered cucumbers everyday." The voice mused.

" No I don't, that doesn't sound very appetizing. I like chocolate covered pants though. Now, man oh man, those hit the spot." He said, rubbing his stomache.

" Okay..."

" You know what else is good? It's really tastey when you have a double stuffed--" Ed started, but was interuppted.

" Edward Elric...he wishes he were a fish." The voice said, giggling slightly.

Ed narrowed his eyes at the ceiling. " Why would I want to be a fish, that's obsurd. "

" Becuase you wish you had scales."

" Scales?"

" Yes, scales."

" No way!"

" Yes way."

" No way!"

" Yes way."

" NO WAY!"

" Okay." The voice sniggered. " I just rhymed."

" Whoop dee do." Ed said, sarcastically. " Would you like a blue ribbon or something?"

" No, but I would like a puppy." The voice answered, striking up a deal.

" I don't have a puppy."

" So, buy one."

" I don't have any money." Ed answered.

" Edward Elric...he can't add." The voice said, suddenly changing the subject.

" That was a lame insult." Ed said, staring up at the ceiling, a satisfying smile on his face.

" I...well...IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I was just hired yesterday!" The voice yelled, sobbing in the background.

" That's obvious, what were you promoted from, a cocktail waitress?" Ed chuckled.

" Actually I was a bartender. I had a good radio voice so they asked me to sign up for this thing. I agreed of course." The narrator said, telling her life story. Ed was sleeping, he awoke sharply.

" Oh, I fell asleep, it seems."

" EDWARD ELRIC!" The narrator yelled out of annoyance. " He wets the bed regularly and then takes the sheets and runs around yelling, I'M PEE PEE MAN!" The narrator shouted out of breathe. Ed stood up, angrily.

" What the hell are you talking about? I do no such thing!" Ed said, raising a fist threateningly at the ceiling.

" Yes you do, and Roy Mustang joins you!" The voice laughed hysterically, but was suddenly muffeled by crashes and fummbling. Ed stared at the ceiling, a confused look on his face.

" What's happening wherever you are?" Ed yelled up. More crashes and explosions.

" AHHH! Let go, oh no, that doesn't bend that way!" The voice shouted, then went silent. Maniacal laughter was heard suddenly and it was a different voice from the previous narrator.

" BEHOLD! It is I, the omnipitant and wonderfully attractive," A deep breathe was drawn in, " COLONEL ROY MUSTANG!" Mustang's voice called surrounding Ed.

" Damnit..." Ed groaned.

----

-shrug- Tell me what you think, yet another attempt at humor from Senpai-sama. Chapter two shall be...Winry. Reveiw.


	2. Chapter 2

**Next Victim: Winry Rockbell**

**Chapter Two**

" Ahem...KNOW YOUR STARS, know your stars, KNOW your STARS!" Roy Mustangs' voice yelled from the apparent ceiling. He was practicing. " No...no, that's not right, it's needs to be more edgy." He said, talking to himself.

" Get, " Someone coughed before continuing." OFF MY MICORPHONE, PARACHUTE PANTS!" The voice of the previous narrator, a young girl as it sounded. Struggling was heard from the beyond. A enourmus smacking sound was heard and it went silent. At that exact moment, blonde and bouncy Winry Rockbell came in the dark room. She was running around in circles, muttering something about a lost screwdriver.

" Oooh, perfect opportunity." The voice from the great obseliteness said. Suddenly, a screw flew out from the ceiling and fell on the directors chair that was placed in the exact middle of the room. Winry spotted the screw and dived for it. As she went to grab the screw, ropes came up from the ground and wrapped around Winry, she started to scream bloody murder as the ropes pushed her into the directors infamous chair.

" Help me! Edward, HELP!" She screeched, tugging at the ropes. A snapping sound was heard and the ropes disappeared. Winry looked around, still sitting in the chair, quite confused.

" Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars..."

" Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky..." Winry sang, extremly off key. The voice growled.

" What do you think you're doing singing!" The narrator said, sounding bewildered.

" Well, what you said reminded me of a song, so I decided to sing--" She was cut off.

" Know your stars, know your stars, know your, notasongyouidiot stars..." The voice murmered quickly. " Winry Rockbell, her favorite sport is women's figure skating..."

" Not true, my favorite sport is Sumo Wrestling."

" But occasionaly you watch figure skating..."

" No, I do not. Can't you hear, I don't like figure skating. Sumo Wrestling." Winry explained, taking out a file and filing her nails.

" Hey, what you be doing? Are you listening to me? I am INSULTING you, you should be crying! At least a wimper!" The voice pleaded.

" Okay, try another insult." Winry muttered, staring at her cuticles.

" Alright, you're on blondey!" The voice cried." Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars...Winry Rockbell, she gets to sleep by huggling her favorite sausage!" Winry had a look of annoyance.

" I'm allergic to sausage, why would I hug it?"

" Because you like the feel of it's soft sausage exterior." The voice chuckled.

" THAT'S CRAZY! Only weird people would cuddle up to a meat product." Winry shouted.

" Sausage." The voice corrected.

" Whatever!" Winry was annoyed now, she pulled out her wrench and threw it at the ceiling. " Take that, you fiend!"

" Oh my, yummy desert!" The narrator giggled as the wrench disappeared, munching noises were heard and the wrench eventually came flying back down. It hit Winry square in the head. She bent down and picked up her discarded wrench, she was surprised to see several large bite marks all across it, actually there was hardly any wrench left at all. Winry stared up at the ceiling.

" DUSKOY!" Winry yelled abrubtly.

" Erm...what was that about?"

" I don't know, I just hear sumo wrestlers say that sometimes." Winry replied, striking up a conversation.

" Wait, so you really do like sumo wrestling?" The voice asked, generally interested. The narrator suddenly got an image of Edward Elric in a thong. She shook the mental picture away." Ew."

" Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars!" The voice said quickly, remembering her job. " Winry Rockbell...she was flushed down the toilet as a child by Edward, but your head was so enourmus that you got stuck."

" Er..."

" What?"

" That was kind of mean." Winry said, tears welling up in her eyes.

" I'm sorry...I-I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It's just my job!" The voice cracked. " That's it, I'm going to have to call my physchologist again!" The narrator went silent as a door slamming was heard. Suddenly Winry cackled a witchy cackle.

" I've done it, I got rid of the scary 'know your stars' narrator, I am truly a gifted genius, that I am." She gave herself a pat on the back, got up and left. The room was completely dark and empty again, not a sound was heard, almost.

" Excuse me? Yes, I'd like to talk to Dr. Leona Miriam...yes, yes, I'll hold." The narrator sniffled, apparently she really was contacting her shrink. Without her knowing it, someone had cracked the door open to the torture room and was running around in circles. The narrator noticed this.

" Hey, you! Who's down there, who has entered my domain?" She yelled. The person jumped two feet into the air.

" Luitentant Colonel Maes Hughes, who are you?" The man answered, cautiously.

" Dr. Miriam, I'm gonna have to call you back." The voice said and started to laugh manaically. " Next!"

----

Eh? Okay? Ah, well that's good. Sorry for the wait...if anyone's been waiting.


End file.
